S1: LIVING THE DEATH! : my first story ever.

So, this is my first attempt to write a story. I don’t know if it is good or bad or just ok to read but what I know is, I don’t want to be great. I just want to be simple. I just want to write. That's all! 

P.S. This story is not based on any type of experience and is completely fictional.

LIVING THE DEATH!

It was raining heavily. Rains here in Mumbai are totally unpredictable. It was a dimly lit evening of July 6^th. I was standing near the window watching the drops fall from the heaven and quench the mother earth. I stretched my hand to catch a few of them. They made me happy and completed my half life.

“teri hi to hai khushboo mujhme haan madno rey….” hummed I.

Suddenly I heard a knock. I went crazy because I knew who it could be. As I opened the gate, I started laughing. 

“Hahaha…tum toh puura bheeg gaye…and hey! What’s this?”

“Surprise ma’am, for you”

“Aweee, that’s so sweet Avinash! Oh wow! It’s a cake! Chocolate cake!”

“Yes dear, bought it for you because IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY YAR!”

“Oh boy! You remember it!! I thought all of it just faded away.”

“thik hai thik hai! Boyfriend nahi huin to ye bhi nahi ki kch yaad nahi raha ab.”

And there was silence for a minute. The only thing I could hear was a feeble tinkling sound of rain colliding with metallic sheets. 

“Haan tera saaya to mai huin, par sang tere na reh saku…” said the song playing in the background. 

“Aacha forget it! What will you have Avinash? Should I make tea for you? After all you are totally drenched. You might catch cold.”

“agar aaj bhi itni parvah hai, so why don’t you come back?”

“avinash……. Will…you…drink…tea…or not?”

“hmmmmm…make it.”

                                **************************************

“Aur bata Pareeta, kesi hai? Kya kar rahi hai aajkal?” Avinash asked me while having tea and his favourite Britannia Marie gold.

“Achi huin yar, and don’t even dare to ask what I am doing! After completing my b.tech what I am actually doing is trying to make my CV look better by any means. You can’t imagine what I did yesterday! I from some means I generated some fake college fest certificates for including them in my CV”

“HEHE… pinky poo wali pagli pari ………..”

Silence persisted for a second and then came a soft whisper.

“Pari…!” whispered avinash. 

“Stop it avinash! Please, just stop it!”

“Pari… I love you; please I am sorry please come back. It has been a year and there was no such day when I didn’t miss you. Remember that last September night?”

“How can I forget it Avi….. *pause* …nash”

“It’s ok you can call me Avi… my dear Pari, my angel of god”

“Avinash, please for god sake it has been a year since we moved on. I am not here where you see me. Today if we are sitting like this together, it’s just because we are friends for life. Yes we were in a relationship for 2 years but now things have changed. I have moved ahead in life Avinash. You must also for I’ll never be back. Never means never ever. ”

Avinash’s face hung. Maybe he was crying. I sat there perplexed, when my phone rang. It was Sanchit calling. I stood up and started to leave to another room for talking to him.

“Who’s it pareeta?”

“It’s my boyfriend!”

                            ***************************************

I picked up the call and from the other side a voice spoke, “heyyyy baby! My jaanu! A really very happy birthday to you darling.”

“Thanks sany, but I expected that you’ll be the first one to call me. Sadly you are the last one.”

“Oh baby you know na! This business which I run, needs a lot of time. If it has to bloom I must give it my sweat and blood.”

 

“Ya ok! Are you coming tonight to my place?”

“No jaaan! Very sorry I can’t, but guess what! I got you ordered a Gucci handbag along with perfume. And your favorite Armani evening gown, ya that red one! My driver ramesh will hand it over to you in a while. Happy my baby?”

“hmmm…”

“Chalo I gotta rush. Client is waiting. Bye bye honey. Love you.”

“Love u too sany, bye.”

And a tear trickled down from my eye.

“…..pariiii… you know what…” came avinash enthusiastically trying to convey something about the cake which he had bought for tonight’s birthday party. “…this chocolate cake is……. Hey! What happened? Kya hua baccha why are you crying my baby? You know na jab tm roti ho mera aadha khuun evaporate ho jata hai.”

I smiled at his innocence. His puppy face was the cutest thing which he acquired. I tilted my face and saw him until my vision got blocked with tears. All those flashes came back when he used to take me to nearby panipuri stall on my birthday and say “aaj jitni khaani h kha le mai kuch nahi bolunga”; the time when he proposed me, with an artificial “67 rupay waali ring” at which I grew devastatingly angry. And to cool my anger what he replied was “jaanemann, ring jhunti hai par pyar sacha hai. Tu agar saath hai to zindgi abaad hai wrna enginnering krenge aur hmesha bolenge ki beta avi teri life boht hi vahiyaat hai.” I continued to smile with my lips and cry with my eyes.

“kya hua pari….”

“kuch nahi avi…”

He smiled just because I uttered avi, an acronym with which I used to address him long back. He made me sit on the couch and himself sat on his knees on the ground, holding my hand. 

“pari, why don’t you trust me? Mene kabhi tumhe dhoka nahi dia. I accept it, whatever you saw, you heard was right but whatever you understood was wrong. Yes! Yes I did go to shruti’s home. Yes! When you saw me she was kissing me but why you didn’t see that I wasn’t. Me uske ghar gya tha, use samjhane ki pari ke alawa meri zindgi me koi nahi aa sakta, use btane ki meri pari mei duniya hai kynk wo mere khuda ka noor hai. Mai tumse jhunt nahi bol skta pari. Never.”

“ab koi faida nahi hai avinsh, kyunk naa ab tum avi ho aur na hi mai pari. We are just good friends now. Wo dost jo class 7^th se ek saath ek hi school me padhe aur school khatam hone k baad jinki dosti kabhi khtam nahi hui. Isse jyada kuch nahi. Nothing.”

After regaining my composure I spoke, “man it’s 8! Guests must be coming and I have not even changed. You wait I’ll be back!”

I went inside. I took a shower and wore that red evening gown which Sanchit has sent for me. Suddenly my eyes stopped at a red kurti which lay fresh in the wardrobe. It was avi’s last gift to me which I never wore. Then something happened naturally. I removed that expensive Armani and wore a simple kurti worth rs. 299 bought in a sale from big bazaar. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was looking much beautiful.

I came out and avi just gazed me the whole evening in amaze.

                               ***************************************

Book reading being one of my passions has forced half of my life to bury my nose inside a book and read like a nerd. I was so engrossed in Nicholas sparks that I couldn’t notice how and when Nikita entered my library. 

“pareeta!”

“hey niks! What a pleasant surprise! Aaj yaha kese?”

“shameless! It’s 25^th August. It’s my birthday, and you can’t even wish me! You nerd!”

“ouuuuuu….sholyyyyy! Happy birthday to niks…Happy birthday to nikku…happy birthday to shrey ki maal and maa ki bitiya…happy birthday to you.”

“Not funny! Thanks”

“hehe, aur bta niks, shrey kesa hai?”

“acha hai, usi k saath thi dophar se. you tell hows sany?”

“I don’t know niks”

“matlab? He is your bf and you don’t know how’s he. That’s impossible.”

“He never has time for me. Since the past 8 months I can’t even recollect 8 moments which I spent with him. He buys me gifts chocolates but never time. We seldom talk over the phone. Last time he called was because he had a profit of 18%.”

“I told you earlier, not to be with him. He is like that only. I don’t know if I must tell you or not but he is not as busy as he pretends to be. I have seen him many times with many girls.”

“niks, I know everything!”

“What! Oh crap! Still you are with him! Why can’t you see he doesn’t love you. And on the other hand why can’t you hear those yells which Avinash gives you. He told me you have stopped attending his calls also.”

“Yes I have! Because I fear, if I talk to him I will tell him that avi I haven’t moved ahead in life. I am still there where you left me. I am with sanchit just because I want him to move ahead in life. I don’t like sanchit. Not a bit. ”

“Pareeta…what the hell are you saying! So why are you actually doing all this? Why are you giving yourself so much pain? Why are you giving him this anguish which he doesn't deserves?”

“You know niks, when I was in class 10^th, I used to think that love is all we need but now I know that trusting and believing a man is more important than loving him. I love avinash, but after all that what happened, I don’t trust him even a penny. I don’t want to move back to him just to give him more pain of never believing him.”

“hmmm, it’s your life pari, do what you feel like.”

“hmm, and tujhse kitni baar bolu …pari nahi bola kro…wo bas uska hak hai…”

I went to the kitchen to bring something to eat and to hide my tears.

                          **********************************

It has been a week since avinash hadn’t called me. It was November. Avinash used to call me three days a week and what I did was just to see the phone ringing and getting disconnected by itself. Those missed calls made me feel his presence but one week and no calls! What happened to him? Is he ok? Has he found someone else? If yes, then good!  I was thinking things like these and went to sleep. At late night I was awakened by a dreadful dream where I saw avinash just saying bye again and again. I was frightened. I was terrified at the thought of losing avinash. I grasped my phone to call him. It showed 9 missed calls of Nidhi. Nidhi is avinash’s sister. I called her back and after a few rings she picked up the phone. 

A chocking voice said, “Hello pareeta di?”

 

“haan hello nidhi, what happened? Why did you call me so many times? Is everything ok?”

“pareeta di…” and she started sobbing hard.

“What happened nidhi please for god sake kya hua just tell me. Avi kaha hai?”

“bhai hospital main hain di aap aa jao please, please. Ye marine drive se right leke third churaha.”

“Hospital! Why?? Kya hua usko acha I am coming” and my eyes got wet. I called sanchit and he picked up the call at one go.

“sanchit where are you?”

“What a foolish question to ask pareeta? I am at my home. At 2 in the night where else can I be? And now you also sleep and let me sleep please.”

“sanchit! Wait! And shut up. I know you are in the tulip inn with someone and before I may call your dad, right now come to my home and pick me up. Understood?”

“umm…ya…ya…ok wait I am coming”

I collected all those presents which avi had given me and told my mom that something perilous has happened and I needed to rush. Sanchit was on the door and I ordered him to drive as fast as he can to the hospital as told by nidhi. The car stopped in a while. I sat still. Sanchit told me that we had reached the hospital. I knew it but I wasn’t able to gather the courage to go inside and inquire that what actually has happened to avinash. I slowly opened the gate and got down. After preceding a step or two I looked back at sanchit. 

I went to him and said, “Neither I love you nor you do. Thanks for the lift sanchit but it would be better if now we don’t meet ever.”

 

Sanchit saw me going and whispered, “Perfect marriage material haath se nikal gya”

I didn’t even glance back at him.

                                          *******************************

As I went inside I rushed towards the reception. But before I could reach there, someone blocked my way. It took me a minute to recollect that its shruti, the same girl who ruined my life. Again all those memories flashed back and in agony, I started retreating. Shruti stopped me from behind in a panicky voice.

“Please wait pareeta. Avinash needs you. He is in the ICU.”

I turned back and saw her in tears. It was something I had never seen. 

“pareeta” continued she “avinash really needs you, not only for this moment but for his whole life. He loves you with his heart and soul. That day what you saw was an illusion. Before you came he was talking to me that he can’t accept my proposal because he loves you. He said that day, ki pareeta mere khuda ka noor hai but I was so madly in love with him that I forgot what is wrong and what is right. It was me who messaged you from his mobile, that come to shruti’s home urgently and as you came, for no rhyme or reason I started kissing him. But today when I saw him here, lying helplessly chanting your name, I couldn’t stop myself. Maybe I am a bitch, but I am not this much small to carry on this insanity now also. Go meet him, he needs you.”

I was stunned to hear all this. I cursed myself. I felt small, too small to deserve his love. But now I was determined. I did not want to make another mistake by not being with him in his hour of need. I ran towards the ICU like crazy.

I saw nidhi. She on seeing me started crying bitterly.

“nidhi, where’s avi?”

“bhai is inside di. Go and meet him. Since the time we have bought him here he is just chanting your name.”

I started moving with small steps. I didn’t know what I would see the next moment. I opened ICU’s door. Inside I saw avinash, surrounded by artificial methods which either were keeping him alive or were monitoring if he’s alive or not. Doctor saw me and asked if I were pareeta. I nodded in yes while my eyes were glued to my avinash...yes! My. 

I lifted my sight and asked in a low tone, “what has happened to him?”

“pareeta, he is having bone marrow disorder. His bone marrow has stopped producing platelets.”

In shock I gasped, “What?? How??”

“Didn’t he tell you Miss pareeta about it? He was in this medical condition since one year and now it has come to its last stage. We are trying our level best to keep him alive.”

All the gifts which I carried in my hand fell down. I was unable to move or think. Doctor went out leaving the room empty. Now there were two broken hearts amidst a score of machines.

I sat with a thud near him. A tear fell, and then two, then three and then they went uncountable. I stooped a little on him and kissed his forehead. My dry and chapped lips along with my wet cheeks made him feel some humanly presence. I took one of his needle pricked hand in mine and caressed it with utmost love while my other hand lay on his forhead patting it gently. Going near to his ears I just whispered “avi…” with all the love I could gather. He slowly opened his eyes and smiled. He just stared at me and a tear fell from his eye.

“aley, ye kya hai haan. Mera avi aese roega wo bhi pari k saamne haan? Bash bash, kuch mat bolo. Shruti ne mujhe sab bta dia hai. Ab kabhi tumhe chhod ke nahi jaaungi.  Never avi, never ever! I’ll always trust you.”

He nodded his head slightly in yes. He tried speaking a little but it was too feeble to hear. I asked him to keep quiet and take rest but he insisted. 

“pari… please bolne do. Itne din baad pareeta se nahi balki pari se baat kar ra hu. Is waqt mai nachna chahta hu ki tum aa gayi par nahi kar skta ye…kynk….kynk mai jaa raha hu ab.”

“sshhhh…chup kuch nahi hoga tumhe. Aram karo tum bas”

“nahi pari, ye shayad meri aakhiri raat hai aur agar aesa hai to mai sirf avi banke marna chahta hu, tmari baaho mein”

“nahi avi…aesa….”

“nahi pari…please naa nahi bolna please. Ek marte hue insaan ki akiri khwahish smjh ke please. Mujhe is hospital ke ghatiya se bed pe in machine ke beech nahi marna hai. Mujhe khuli hawa me marne s pehle jeena hai. Mujhe le chalo. Mujhe le chalo.”

“avi…me tumse bohot pyar karti hu. I love you and I will do anything and everything which you want but please aesi baate mat kro. Arey ab to hmari life start hui hai. Ab to saath me jeena hai…”

“kaash! Kaash mai jee pata ye zindgi tmhare sath. Kaash pari! Par mujhe kch de sakti ho to sirf meri maut jee lene do apne sath. Let me live my death with you.”

“avi…”

“please pari…”

And we cried on and on. I helped his weak and feeble body to get up and go to the hospital lawn outside. It was windy chilly November night. He was sitting on the wheelchair while I clasped him tightly. Sometimes I patted his chest and sometimes kissed his forehead. He just saw me with the same puppy face I used to love. I chanted “avi, kuch nahi hoga.” His breath became heavier and heavier with each passing second.

I don’t know when he took his last breath in my arms.

I just saw him helplessly. He was now in a peaceful world away from here. I was left alone in this world, to curse myself and to remember him; to cry everyday for him. He lay peacefully in my arms like a sleeping baby, the unbearable fact being that he wasn’t sleeping. He made me realize that when there is love, there has to be trust. Love without trust is not love.

He left me alone to die a thousand deaths every day.

He went away, but left me with a trust; wo yehin hai.

“haan tera saaya to mai huin, par sang tere na reh saku..

Haan is safar mein bhi mai  huin, par sang tere na chal saku…

Mai huin shab tu subh, dono jud ke juuda…

Mai hu lab tu dua, dono jud ke juuda…

Madno….”

                                                                                                                                                                                              -vishruti singh.

#iamvish